The Pride of Scotland

"You a historian?" barked the man propping up the bar.

"No," I replied, trying to catch the barman's eye to order my round.

"Good. I'm always falling out with historians," he replied.

Delighted for you pal.

"The Yanks! Who would win in a fight between us and the Yanks?"

"Eh, the Yanks of course."

"Bah, the bloody Yanks! Never been in a proper fight! We'd beat 'em for sure. The British Army! Best army in the world."

Where's that barman...

"The English!"

Here we go...

"The English! We'd whip their arses... never been in a proper fight... Scottish soldiers... best soldiers in the world."

He drained his pint. The barman looked over.

"What can I get you?" Finally.

"Three pints of whatever this fella's on."