Saturday, 13 August 2011

Scottish Films: the Definitive List

Occasionally the subject of Scottish films crops up on the internet, on radio chat shows, in the pub, etc. Not actual films made in Scotland, like Trainspotting: but puns on Hollywood movies. 

I would like to take the opportunity to post a definitive list of these films. I won't include ones that are already implicit in the title, like Crocodile Dundee, or High Plains Drifter. Or Waking Ned. Nor will I include lame ones, like The Belles of St Andrews or Applecross Now, that aren't in some way amusing. All according to my own taste of course!

So here goes:

First we'll warm up with the ones that aren't that great:

The Postman Only Dornochs Twice
It Kaimes from Outer Space
Scotstoun of the Antarctic
The Bellshill of St Trinians
Laurencekirk of Arabia
For a Few Dollars Morar 
101 Dalmellingtons 
Beauly and the Beast 
Loch, Stock and Two Whisky Barrels
Meet Me in St Lewis
Dingwall Street
North by North Uist
Monsters Eriboll
Vanilla Skye 
The Coll of the Wild
Tiree Men and a Baby
The Last Castlemilk
Starship Leuchars 
Leven Las Vegas
The 39 Stepps
Mad Macs
Legally Ginger
Dumb and Dumbarton
To Helensburgh and Back 
Legends of the Falkirk
Eyes Wide Oban
Happy Gilmorehill
The Killin Fields 
A Tay in the Life
Gleneagles Has Landed
The Shawlands Redemption
All Quiet On the Western Isles
Vallay of the Dulls
The Forth Protocol
Brighton Gourock
The Great Eskape
Bonkle And Clyth
Stirling Crazy
Out of Affric
Death Of A Slainsman
Mrs Broon
The Glenbucket List
Annan of Green Gorbals 
I Married a Monster from Outer Hebrides
The Tingwall
Huntly for Red October
Curious Fort George
St Monans Lisa
The Longest Brae
Close Encounters of the Thurso Kind
The Blairgowrie Witch Project
The Tenement Commandments

Getting better:

No Country For Old Menstrie
The Tullibody Snatchers 
Milngavies and Dolls 
The Day the Perth Stood Still
A View to a Killie
A Bridgeton Too Far
The Cruel Seamill
Wean's World
A Clockwork Orangeman
White Men Canna Jump
Perth of a Nation
The Unforgirvan
Hoggansfield's Heroes 
Blazing Saddell
The Rothesay Horror Picture Show
Rhu Grit
Waulk the Lino
The Lost Bhoys
The Sassenach Patient
Priscilla, Quine of the Dysart
Trool Hand Carluke
Con Ayr
American Butey
Shotts in the Dark
Full Methil Jacket 
Callandar Girls
Journey to the Centre of Perth
Robroyston: Men in Fights 
Seven Bridies for Seven Brothers (which has recently been turned into a stage show about Greggs the bakers!)
Love St Story
Of Dyce And Men
Flash Gourdon
Luss Horizon
Uncle Buckfast
The Good, The Bad and The Cludgie

The Tom Hanks selection:

The Greenock Mile
Forres Gump 
Ewe've Got Mail
Neepless in Newbattle
Saving Loch Ryan

Better Still:
The Sconeies
Treasure Burntisland
High Dunoon
Escape From New Lanark
Jurassic Parkheid
Crieff Encounter
Passport to Pitsligo
Croy Story
Night of the Leven Dead
Crouching Tiger, Midden Drongan
To Kill A Mawkit Bird
The Wee Man Wears Prada
Hedwig and the Angry Inchinnan
Barassied Off
Tain Man
The Madness of Kingussie 
Aberlady and the Tramp 
Silence of the Glamis 
Forfar the Maddening Crowd 
It's a Wonderful Fife
Clynder's List
The Leadhills Have Eyes
Och Aye Robot
Moulin Ruchazie
Belle de Jura
Brora! Brora! Brora!

And my favourite:

The Capes of Wrath

Finally the world's biggest grossing film, from just over the border:

Tight Alnwick...


blueskyscotland said...

Cleopatna wins it for me.

Robert Craig said...

Clatty Pat - Queen of South Ayrshire!

blueskyscotland said...

There was a well known nightclub in Glasgow.(Great western road) called Cleopatra,s that went by that title.Maybe you,ve been there,or is there one in Edinburgh as well?.It,s a shame.History twisted by the Romans for their own ends.
Cleopatra herself(the real one) was a Macedonian Greek,the first of the imposed rulers of Egypt, (Decendants of Generals serving under Alexander the Great) to bother to learn the language of the Egyptians(her adopted people)
She was actually highly intelligent,adaptable,moral within her own code of practice,and faithful.History is always Hard on the losers of any conflict because the accounts are written by the winners.
Sorry.She,s my Favourite misunderstood queen.I like to root for the bad guys!

Robert Craig said...

Ah Clatty's, nurses and engineers night, third Thursday of the month, you're not getting in son, you're pished/wrong shoes/regulars only/with a lairy crowd/don't like the look of your face. I was a student at Glasgow so know the place well, the outside of it anyway! Must admit my only knowledge of the historical queen comes from Carry on Cleo.